Yes, folks. I am finally getting out of my comfort bubble to write you this post. I felt like I owe my blog and some friends (if you guys still continue to come here, that is) an explanation to my continuous absence in the blogging community. (I even missed my first anniversary! How awful is that??!!??!! Siiiigh.)
So first things first. I am seriously having a serious problem here (yep, emphasis on the serious, people)! I’ve lost some motivation to constantly write blog posts in here. What’s worse is that I’ve lost some motivation to read. Well, okay, to be perfectly honest, I’ve lost the motivation to do anything in general. To think this is my last semester of college too. You may think I’m such a loser for giving up but I’ve been having some anxiety problems these past few months. I’ve gotten really anxious with school, with exams, with my final semester, with graduation, with the future, with life. So yes, it’s a serious problem. Sometimes, I talk to my family to at least have some of that motivation back so I can focus on school (which is a total fail, by the way. I am so. Distracted.) and sometimes, I talk to my support group aka my friends. We are facing the same problems at school so it really helps to get support from them.
I used to think I will just fly through my last two semesters of college like I do with books. Clearly, that is untrue. That’s probably because I have this picture in my head that I will not face some really difficult challenges before graduation, you know? I mean, I have more free time this year than I did these last three years and I equated that with having an easier one than the previous three. That’s my biggest mistake right there. Basically, I believed and lived in a fantasy world.
Another enemy here, my friends, is (drum rolls, please) procrastination. I used to pride myself with it. Thinking that it’s okay to do things at the last minute because then, I’ll have the magic to do things at once. Okay, not really. Only to be able to finish all of my work fast within only a short amount of time. I am still living like that. I really shouldn’t. The struggle is very real. Now let’s sum things up, shall we? Lack of motivation + Procrastination = DISASTER = FAILURE = NOTHING.
That is how anxiety came to life and honestly, it’s a cycle. It’s a real pain in my life. However, it’s a cycle which can be interrupted by none other than moi and that’s what I’m trying to slowly work on. Change things. Change my life. Because I am so sick of this arrangement. I want to really work hard on things for once because I can’t remember when I last did. To be able to do that, I have to prioritize things. That means school comes first. I’m not sure I can focus on school and be able to actively blog at the same time. I decided to start working on things more and stop imagining I am working on things. THIS IS NO FICTION. That’s what I should constantly remind myself.
Anyway, if you didn’t already know, I am taking up BS Pharmacy. It’s a really stressful course and I don’t know how I survived the last seven semesters but, thank God, I did. Oh wait, that’s right. I almost flunked one of my major subjects last semester! Ya- No. That was not fun at all. I should take this more seriously, shouldn’t I? (I’m still stuck in here, guys. I don’t know how to start, to be really honest.) Nonetheless, I am sure I will get that motivation to start doing things and move forward with a smile and with no or few regrets. As the Japanese say it, Ganbatte!
So there’s that. I apologize for my sudden absence and I’ll apologize for my extended absence. I don’t know when I will return to blog full-time but I have hopes for this blog and for myself. I can get past this. I will get past this. I shall return. For the time being, all of my book reviews will be done on goodreads. There may be times when I will feel like posting some entries but I will not promise anything. Promises will get me anxious, which will then turn me depressed. Not fun. I am also still using my twitter (shameless plugging time!!! @voguishperuser) so I can still interact with some of my beloved friends in the blogosphere. With that, I will end this post with a beautiful quote. Let’s all have a positive outlook on life despite all of the tragedies (or something)!
“One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.” – Lucille Ball