The Contemplation: Why I Have Been Gone

We all have those moments where we are placed in a situation and are asked to choose between two things. In my case, it was between life and pleasure. That’s quite confusing, you may say. Are not the two intertwined? I am telling you, they are. After all, we cannot have pleasure without life. To me, however, it is very appropriate. Because what I mean here by life is the future. By pleasure, I mean the happiness and satisfaction we feel in a short amount of time

I am a procrastinator. I have been admitting that fact proudly like it is something to be admired. I guess, in some ways, it can. I take pleasure in the adrenaline that pushes me to finish a work, a test, anything, within a limited time. Now I realize, am I going to continue living my life like this? Should I?

Right now, I am facing a very critical stage of my life. In my twenty years of existence, I think it is the most critical one so far. I have achieved failure countless times but I have not let these failures control my life. Instead, I considered them as mistakes which I will no longer repeat. Or so I used to tell myself. I continued to live my life as easy-going as possible. Now, though, I am realizing that maybe, I should have put more effort in everything I have done. Sadly, I also know I will not go anywhere by wondering about what-if’s. So, like everything else I have dealt with, I will deal with this with determination. To go on.

This might be a very confusing post; and yes, it is. My head is a jumble of many thoughts as of the moment. Just now, I have received the news that will decide my life (with or without exaggeration, who knows). I am greatly disappointed with myself because after going through it a couple of times, I thought I learned my lesson. Now, I am deciding that this is the final straw. I must stop this madness. To answer my previous question, I should not.

I have disciplined myself not to read or blog yet so to focus on school. I have been very disciplined (at least, these past two weeks). But you know what, if I had learned to manage my time, I wouldn’t have to sacrifice anything. But anyway, as I have said, we are often asked to choose between two things. In my case, I chose life – my future. I know, however, that my efforts were not enough. Not by a long shot. But at least I still tried and did what I could. I am now given another chance and I am hoping to make good use of it.

I guess what I am trying to convey is that I have been away from reading and blogging because of life. And that is all right. Because doing those things is fun and fun is short-lived. Life, well, it should be lived.

Just a little warning, though, guys. I have a few pending posts I need to get to and I may flood your notification. Sorry if you receive several emails in a day! I really am very sorry. Peace!

signa

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